reuniting

Trevor graduated from law school on Saturday. This marks the end of what has been a three-year journey filled with more heartache, more struggle, more fear for the future of our marriage than I could have ever expected. If we had known how difficult law school would be, we probably would have chosen not to come.

Toward the end, we nearly gave up. Not just on law school but on each other as well. I am just being real here people. I have been through some hard things in my life, but this was by FAR the most trying, most stressful, most angst-ridden time that I have ever seen. 

As I sat through the graduation ceremony, on the grass near the front so I could take pictures (which I will share, fear not), I listened to members of the faculty and student body share about what a tremendous accomplishment it is to not only have survived the rigors of earning a J.D., but to go on to use that hard-earned, blood/sweat/tears earned, degree to uphold our constitution, protect individuals from infringement upon their civil rights, and advocate for justice. Trevor has chosen, and chose early on in his career as a law student, to be a public defender. This means that he will be defending indigent (poor) people who have been accused of crimes. You guys this is a tremendous burden... and I just want to say that I am so proud to be married to a man that is willing to give of his time and energy to help people who may never be able or ever want to pay him back. Because he knows that whether or not his clients are guilty, these are human beings who ought to be treated with dignity and under our constitution are guaranteed rights. We are in the process of preparing a little video so that Trevor can share more about his choice as an attorney (and perhaps I can get a friend to help me with it and make it really awesome... stay tuned). Anyway-- I realized something during that ceremony. These entire three years I have been so focused on my hardships, my difficulties, and have spent very little time being a friend-- much less loving life partner-- to my husband. That makes me sad. I mean I have had a very hard time in these years as well-- loneliness, not understanding why he was always so irritable and tired (stress and not nearly enough sleep, hello Paige), feeling alienated from this new huge part of his life, and I could go on. The point is that I withdrew into my little world, and he had no choice but to withdraw into the world of law school just to get through it so we could move on. We kind of started to lead separate lives in a way. I think I learned a major life lesson through this about compassion and mercy, and from a marriage perspective-- taking care that we share our burdens together (to the extent we are able).

We had the opportunity to enjoy one of our first mornings of freedom at Ike and Jane, the BEST little breakfast/lunch place here in Athens. See photos above. Trevor slept for seventeen hours straight after family left town, and after waking from this epic slumber, he looked exactly like he did in the first picture. He is starting to be himself again. I think he needs a few more nights of long, deep sleep before he is fully HIM (because really, it takes quite a bit of energy to be him). But we are reuniting, as a couple, as best friends, as a family. We're working on true forgiveness for all the things we did to wrong each other during this crazy time. And to get back to our center.

It was and is only because of God's incredible love for us, and impassioned care for our marriage and little ones, that we survived, and that is a true story folks. 

Be back soon with actual pictures of Trevor wearing the giant robe and funny hat. Ha.

xoxo

easter island

I have said this before, but it is worth repeating-- something amazing and unique about Athens is that it's this community of talented people who are all here for one reason or another-- gifted artists, musicians, creatives. Prime example-- Easter Island, pictured above. My family grew to know a few of these guys when we first moved here, and over time, as we've spent more time together I learned more about them and their band. The band is composed of Patrick Ferguson (drums), Ryan Monahan (bass/keys/vocals), Asher Payne (vocals/keys), Ethan Payne (vocals/guitar), and Nathan Thompson (guitar).

 I just got a copy of their debut album 'Frightened', and you guys-- it is beautiful. Buy it. 

They've been featured in Direct Current's RADAR, Paste Magazine, Movement Magazine, among others. You can find their band's website at easterislandband.com, and if you visit their bandcamp you can download two of their tracks for free. Here's a little more info about them:

Easter Island emerged in 2010 from a multifaceted, wildly creative art scene in Athens, GA. Better Things, the band’s impressive debut EP, introduced the world to a dream pop canopy riddled with expansive guitars, keys and synths, all tied together by the light, airy vocals of Ethan and Asher Payne. “Proud,” the EP’s standout slow-builder, was

featured on ABC’s Off The Map. Drawing inspiration from the PI tarisian Golden Age and the works of Hemingway and Fitzgerald, Easter Island romantically diagrams the way things are and the way they ought to be.

Following the departure of the band’s rhythm section, John Cable and

Andrew Terrell, Easter Island’s current incarnation is rounded out by Nate Thompson on guitar, Ryan Monahan on bass and keys, and Patrick Ferguson on drums. Ryan is also the driving force behind burgeoning pop-rock outfit Monahan. Ferguson, who moonlights as the drummer for Five-Eight, is the man responsible for Easter Island’s dynamic post rock sound, having engineered Better Things as well as Frightened, the 2012 full-length debut. The latter record thematically focuses

on the quest for the intangible, the weight of apathy, and a yearning

for something that will last forever. Lead single “Hash,” with its spectacular cult escape visual treatment that premiered at the Atlanta Film Festival, is emblematic of the album’s nuanced dissection of humanity and relationships. The brothers Payne, through the much forgotten medium of the music video, display an auteristic approach which bleeds into their songwriting. Easter Island is enamored with the finer things in life and the pursuit of beauty in all endeavors. They want to live a good life in a modern climate of diminished expectations. In the context of starving artists and communal living, this often manifests itself through a “champagne taste on

a PBR budget” mentality. That same predilection towards golden sustenance is conveyed in the band’s studio approach and energetic live shows. With Easter Island’s five parts now firmly in

place, their mellow yet urgent swells of sound cry out in the now with

faint echoes lingering in 1920s Paris.

I had a conversation with John the other night (who is actually their branding consultant). John was an army brat and moved around a lot growing up.  We talked about how leaving a place (and the people who made it what it was) is hard... because when you get there, you carry around this presumption that your time there is limitless, and you don't notice or appreciate the value of those relationships and that place in time in your life. I think this is what I am experiencing now as we prepare to move to Colorado. So much happened here in Athens for us. It has been such a weighty time-- so good, and so hard, both at the same time, and seeing it come to a close is bittersweet. I am going to truly miss these people and this community. I feel like this is the place where we figured out who we really are-- as husband/wife, as a family. It has been crazy and intense. Anyway. I want to write more about this, and I will, but for now I think I'll just say-- the people in this band are some lovely souls, and to me it is so representative of our time here that we would get to know them and share at least some small part of life with them. I wish there was more time. And I could say that about SO many people in this town.

Easter Island. GORGEOUS music. Go listen/buy it and support them.

PS-- Piper is doing great and back to her old self. Almost. And Trevor graduates from Law school a week from today. Yep.

xoxo

 

hospital

If you are friends with me on facebook, I am about to rehash everything that has gone on since Monday.

Piper had a fever when I put her to bed on Sunday night. The next morning, she felt really hot, so Trevor took her to the doctor because I had a client coming over to pick up a bag. Her pediatrician said that she probably had a virus, and sent her home with instructions to stay on tylenol and ride it out.

Around 4pm, I went in her room to check on her because she was still sleeping from her nap, and it was time for her to take more medicine. I woke her up, was amazed at how hot she felt, did the whole bribe thing to get her to take it, and then watched her eyes as they rolled back and she started to seize. It lasted about a minute. When it first started I didn't know what to do so I picked her up and held her, just so that she knew I was there. I just didn't want her to be scared. She was out of it for about a half an hour, maybe longer. I called 911 and they told me to drive her to the hospital because we live so close to one (actually two). I strapped her into her carseat and got Larken snapped into hers and drove so incredibly fast to the emergency room. Her temp was 105 when we got there.

They got us back immediately, told us about the seizure (called a febrile seizure) and got started trying to figure out what caused her temp to be so high. That first night, Monday night, was the hardest. She was still pretty disoriented, she had to have an IV placed (and my girl is a fighter, she does not like being messed with), she was sedated and had a spinal puncture, she successfully fought off the placement of a catheter (while sedated, I might add), and finally the admitted us to the hospital for what we thought would be the night. It's Thursday today, and we are still here. It sucks and it is inconvenient, but I am glad. I am so thankful for hospitals, emergency rooms, doctors, nurses, and anyone who puts forth any amount of effort to educate themselves so that they can help human beings with medical problems. We are still here because she needs to be getting antibiotics through an IV and her temperature is being constantly monitored to make sure that she won't have another seizure. Her doctor is awesome, knowledgeable, and caring. They are not 100% certain but they think this was caused by a bladder/kidney infection, possibly with a secondary issue/infection that is causing her temps to still be high when the ibuprofen wears off. But she is doing a lot better. 

Another little girl named Piper Needham died, battling leukemia, one month ago today.... a beautiful little girl, around the same age as my daughter. I just want to say that I realize how fragile our lives and bodies really are. Larken's health problems started this whole thread of thought in my mind. My sister's son, McLean, has a seizure disorder (read: he seizes basically every day, several times a day), in addition to having autism and fragile x syndrome. My mom was recently diagnosed with Lupus in addition to her other autoimmune diseases (AI hepatitis and rheumatoid arthritis). Over Christmas, my Dad was losing so much blood through his undiagnosed bleeding ulcers that he needed five blood transfusions. My friend Emily is in nursing school and wrote about being present for the first time while a patient died on her watch. 

I am not going to sit here and write that it all makes sense somehow. It doesn't. These things hurt and suffering is wrong and horrible. And yet God is good and beautiful. Somehow those two things exist and are true. Emily wrote this in her post about the death of a patient: 

Bryce told me that he has noticed something different about me recently. He called it a "new optimism."  And I think the source of this is a new perspective. In light of my patient's death, life seems incredible. The feel of my baby's soft skin, the sparkle in my husband's eyes, the astounding beauty of the sunrise.... I have a philosophy and theology that help me sort through and cope with the issues of sickness and death, so that I don't fall into despair. My beliefs have changed significantly in the last six months, and if you've talked to me about them before, they are probably a lot different now. I don't really want to go into it on this blog. However, as it relates to me as a nurse, I feel like I can deal with these grim situations because I have hope, and light, and peace.

I, like Emily, am learning through all of this pain and hardship (present not just in my life but all around me) about a loving Father, a God who is forever and always about the work of redemption and love. Bad things happen and lives are broken but God is redeeming them. I have intentionally avoided discussing theology on my blog for several reasons, but one of them is that I believe these things, and have changed much of my thinking about God and life, because I have seen them played out before my eyes in my own life before I even knew that it could be called a 'theology'. I am in a relationship with a Person who I follow, I walk with, who shares his life with me, and I learn from Him. And then this Person blows my mind by bringing people into my life who put into words the very things that I have been experiencing and learning, that he has been showing me. I simply know what He has shown me and taught me and I don't want to argue about it with other people. I respect people who think differently than me, and I think most people do. Anyway-- in the face of all this fragility and pain, I have hope, because I know that God is making all things new. ALL things. I cling to that so hard and it makes life full of beauty and wonder and awe. I have seen God care for our family and especially since my Piper became sick. A friend texted me with this loving encouragement-- he said, 'I hope you know the love that the Father has for Piper, no matter what happens.' So good.

I have been updating facebook here and there, and will try to update the blog again as we learn new information. Right now Piper is comfy and sleeping, which makes my heart happy. Oh, and I won't be selling this weekend at the Raindrop market here in Athens (bummer), but you can still buy my bags in my etsy store, in person if you live in the area and want to just email me, or at Community, the lovely shop downtown on the corner of Jackson and Broad (above Jittery Joes). 

love to you--

xo

braided leather

A little Lightnest bag-related stuff.

A client asked me to resurrect the braided handle of last summer, back from when I first started working with leather. I thought this was a brilliant idea, so here it is, new and improved. This is a small (it really should be called 'regular') Hawthorne tote, so all the dimensions are the same, except for the handle. I really love it. I think it lends a feminine touch to what is a pretty modern, slouchy bag. Love this bag. I carry one almost every day.

Those of you who are familiar with my bags have seen this fabric choice quite a bit, but as I posted on my lightnest collective facebook page, I have new fabrics for spring/summer. I've modified the Hawthorne tote to make it more practical and easy to carry, and I have some ideas for new designs as well. Here's the part where I self-promote: if you 'like' my LNC facebook page, you can stay informed on all the news-- upcoming markets, giveaways, sales, and soon-to-come mini portrait sessions.

So the etsy shop is pretty empty right now. With Trevor in the big, final push before graduation from law school (wow can't believe I just typed that! eek!), he's gone alot, so I have been working more. Basically I have a ton of stuff to do. One majorly cool thing to do is edit and post the photos that I took of a band based here in Athens, Easter Island. They're performing during the Twilight festivities, along with the Modern Skirts and the B52s (who are also indigenous). So expect those soon, and some new stuff posted in the shop. I will keep you all posted of course.

ps-- my pictures will be appearing somewhere very cool soon. I'll let you know on that as well.

xoxo

Bekah and Luna at Athen's Farmer's Market

So this is Bekah from My Little Loves, the friend that I met at the farmer's market to take some photos for her blog, the friend who recently moved here. We actually live probably within a mile of each other. It has been so good to spend time with these four. They are gentle people. Piper and Ocean get along quite well.

I posted some photos of the beautiful produce, but these pictures were what I was there for, and I love the way they turned out. Not only were my subjects gorgeous and at ease in front of the camera, but the light was pretty and delicate. There were so many moments between this family... how could I not share. Hope you enjoy.

xoxo

athens farmer's market

The Athens Farmer's market is back and I love it. The colors, the people, the smells, and just the general atmosphere are so perfect. I met Bekah there to take some pictures (which I will post in a bit) and I also posted more like these on my photography website, lightnestcollective.com . 

I recently read an article by a seasoned photographer... he said that to be a successful pro, you have to promote your work. Like everywhere all the time. This for me is hard. I think if I was friends with me on facebook, I would have to block me (ha). This is the part about being a photographer that is not innate. It feels so false and unnatural to call attention to my work and seek that affirmation -- and the same goes with my sewing -- but there is no other way to get my name out there. I am doing what I love, and I am trying to get paid for it. The place where those two things intersects feels like adultery. That being said, if or when you tire of my self-promotion, feel free to block me (or whatever). I completely understand. No hard feelings. 

So Bekah and I have been able to spend some time together lately and talk about our lives. I am amazed at how much we have in common, and it's almost like I already knew her. When I mentioned in my NC meetup post that sometimes churches or groups of people hold up lifestyle choices as THE way, I wasn't referring to my time here in Athens as much as the churches and communities we were part of before we moved here. And even then, I understand where those people are coming from. Even though we experienced some disillusionment and confusion after leaving those communities, I don't hold that gun against  anyone's head, refusing to forgive them. I just have learned from it-- which I think was God's plan. My faith was challenged from these experiences and in the process refined. It has made me more gracious toward and respectful of other people. It has made me realize that we have no idea what someone else has gone through or is facing. People make the choices they do for a reason. Anyway. Talking through some of those things with her, my own push back against the conservatism of previous church experiences and how that has affected my life today, how it has thrown me off balance, all of this has been so good for me. So healing for me. And having her here has distracted me from missing Tyler so much.  

And I should add something. Perhaps the better question is-- rather than focusing on those churches or communities and pointing the finger at them-- what is it about me, or better yet who I believe God to be, that caused me to get caught up in lifestyle choices as a means of expressing my identity and seeking acceptance? What is it in my heart that makes me feel safe when things are black and white? (Thank you John MacMurray for always turning my thinking back to that point.) I had a prof, Rob Hildebrand, at Multnomah (the Bible college I attended) who told me his dad (or grandfather?) who had been in ministry for many years, would ask new folks who visited his church-- what was your previous church experience like? If they answered-- it was awful, the people were rotten, etc.-- then he would reply, 'you'll probably find the same thing here.' BUT if they said-- it was a lovely church, and we loved being a part of it, etc. -- he would reply, 'you'll probably find the same thing here.' I know there are exceptions. Crazy stuff happens in churches because people are crazy. Some of it is downright wrong, and should be spoken out against. But the issue I guess is how you deal with it. So that's what I am working through-- how I have dealt and am dealing with the things we have seen since following Jesus. There is so much more that could be said, but I better leave it at that. 

xoxo